A cynic is one who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing - Oscar Wilde

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives. - H.L. Mencken

If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse - as a man shoots himself. - H.L. Mencken

A man may be a fool and not know it - but not if he is married. - H.L. Mencken

Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they didn't, they'd be married too. - H.L. Mencken

Getting married, like getting hanged, is a great deal less dreadful than it has been made out. - H.L. Mencken

Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is easy. - Charlotte Whitton on becoming mayor of Ottawa

A women who strives to be like a man lacks ambition - Anonymous

There will always be a battle between the sexes, because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men. - George Burns

The war between the sexes is the only one in which both sides regularly sleep with the enemy. - Quentin Crisp

The first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on women. - Nancy Astor

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb. - Yul Brynner

Heinrich Heine bequeathed his estate to his wife on the condition that she marry again, because, according to Heine, "There will be at least one man who will regret my death."

All the reasons of man cannot outweigh a single feeling of a women. - Voltaire

When men and women agree, it is only in their conclusions; their reasons are always different. - Santayana

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy. - Henry Kissinger

Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender. - Mary Buckley

Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G.K. Chesterton

Take it from me, marriage isn't a word - it's a sentence. - King Vidor

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. - Robert Frost

What they do in heaven we are ignorant of; but what they do not do we are told expressly, they neither marry nor are given in marriage. - Jonathan Swift

No compass has ever been invented for the high seas of matrimony. - Heinrich Heine

The critical period in matrimony is breakfast time. - A.P. Herbert

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. Zsa Zsa Gabor

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. - Rodney Dangerfield

I come from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

Most men do not mature, they simply grow taller. - Leo Rosten

Men are beasts and even beasts don't behave as they do. - Brigitte Bardot

In 1930 the first stewardesses were hired to fly on United Airlines on the rationale that with women working on the plane, male passengers would be reluctant to admit their fear of flying.

When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living. - Helen Rowland

Modern man isn't as virile as he used to be. Instead of making things happen, he waits for things to happen to him. He goes with the current. Something...has led him to stop swimming upstream. - Marcello Mastroianni

Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands. - Jayne Mansfield

Men are more interesting than women, but women are more fascinating. - James Thurber

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

Women eat while they are talking, men talk while they are eating. - Malcolm De Chazal

Men play the game; women know the score. - Roger Woddis

Women are quite unlike men. Women have higher voices, longer hair, smaller waistlines, daintier feet and prettier hands. They also invariably have the upper hand. - Stephen Potter

God made man, and then said I can do better than that and made women. - Adela Rogers St. John

A male acquaintance once asked Mrs. Patrick Campbell why women seem to have no sense of humor. "God did it on purpose," she replied, "so that we may love you men instead of laughing at you."

In nine cases out of ten, a women had better show more affection than she feels - Jane Austen

A women will buy anything she thinks the store is losing money on. - Kin Hubbard

A women does not spend all her time in buying things; she spends part of it in taking them back. - Edgar Watson Howe

If I were a girl, I'd despair; the supply of good women far exceeds that of the men who deserve them. - Robert Graves

Women never reason, and therefore they are (comparatively) seldom wrong. - William Hazlitt

No women ever hates a man for being in love with her; but many a women hates a man for (just) being her friend. - Alexander Pope